An Open Letter to Parents of Students With Disabilities About to Enter College

Here is a copy of letter written by Dr. Jane Jarrow, Disability Services at Ohio State.  In the middle of one of her conversations with a parent of one of the students she would work with in the fall,  she had an “aha moment” when she recognized that she needed to take her own advice  and start backing out of the process of getting her daughter situated  in college.

I am sharing this letter to all of you in hopes it will help you to understand what we at Mercyhurst are trying to accomplish with your sons and daughters during our Foundations Program. 

Dear Parents,

I have been working in the area of students with disabilities at the college level for more than 30 years, but that is not why I am writing to you today. I am writing as a parent, and thus as someone who shares all your current anxieties. My daughter, who graduated from high school in early June, will be going away to college this Fall. She has Cerebral Palsy, uses a wheelchair, and has limited speech capabilities, so you can be assured that I have been very involved in the educational programming and planning she has received during her years in the public school system. I wanted to be involved, but I also needed to be involved since, by law, the school could not do anything for, to, or with my daughter regarding her disability without my permission. I sat through countless IEP meetings over the years, I was insistent on certain issues of academic support when I needed to be, and I agonized over everything from teacher selection to her successful social integration with classmates. And now, as I prepare to pack her up and take her off to college in the Fall, I recognize that this role has ended for me – and the word “anxious” doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings.

If you are worried that your child with a disability will have a difficult time making a successful transition to college without your involvement… then you are probably right to be worried. Very few children with disabilities can succeed at the college level. On the other hand, students with disabilities survive and thrive on college campuses across the country. If you still think of your son or daughter as your “child,” and they still are comfortable in accepting that role, it is time to take a careful look at where you have come from and what lies before you. As parents, it is time for us to step back and allow/encourage/gently nudge our SWD’s (Students With Disabilities) to assume significant independent responsibility for their own lives, both academically and personally.

As I approach this same milestone with my daughter, I find myself a little panicky, realizing that there are things about her disability and how it impacts on her functioning that I know and that the disability services provider needs to know, and that I may not have many changes to say.  There is no doubt that I can explain those things more fully than my daughter can explain (0r even understands them)  Yet, it doesn’t matter.  Much as I hate it, I know that SHE has to be the one to convey all this crucial information (not me!!)

An old adage maintains:

There are only two things a parent can give to a child…
One is roots. The other is wings.

It is time for our kids to solo. That is a scary thought for us, as parents, and it is sure to be scary for them, too. That’s OK. This is what we have all been working towards for a long time. Remember, your son/daughter will call, email, or text if they need you. They know what you can do for them, but now it is time for them to go it alone. Take a deep breath, cross your fingers, wish them well – and walk away. All will be well!

Sincerely,

 Janie